50 thoughts every IronMan-in-training has

1. I’m hungry
2. Still hungry
3. Oops, I didn’t mean to eat all of that
4. Yes I can be there … I may be wearing Lycra
5. I love my bike, I hate my bike, I love my bike
6. F— you wind!
7. When I’m a normal person again …
8. 9.30pm, Friday. Sweet, bedtime.
9. 6.30am, Saturday. Sweet, sleep in.
10. “How’s training going for your marathon/biathlon/fun run/sports thing?”
11. Why am I doing this?
12. It’s so so far, I just don’t know whether to laugh or cry
    

    16. Can’t. Training.

13. Seriously, WHY AM I DOING THIS?
14. Everyone else in the world is asleep right now
15. I’m sorry I haven’t showered
16. Can’t. Training.
17. Yes 180km on a bike. No, just one person, in one day
18. Why? Well, I’ll get a medal. And there’s the free t-shirt …
19. I’m sorry for what I said when I was tired
20. Get out of my lane
21. Get out of bed you lazy thing!
22. I think I’m actually getting slower
23. My wetsuit has definitely shrunk
    

    23. My wetsuit has definitely shrunk

24. Nope, too windy/rainy/hot
25. I can do this! I’m going to be an IronMan! … [two minutes later] … I’m going to die.
26. Has anyone else bought endurance sport bars and accidentally eaten them on the couch? Ok, yeah. Me neither
27. [eyes up nutrition for the bike] … Ha, none of that is actual food
28. Stop drafting off me!
29. Swim swim swim SHARK?!!
30. Swim swim swim SHARK?!! Seriously Jo, you’re in a pool
31. What do you call a female IronMan?
32. Even if I’m anaemic?
33. I’d go much faster if I had a new —- [any tri-related toy]
34. After this, I’m going to retire. I’m going to lie on the couch for a year. Still wearing the finishers’ t-shirt and stroking my medal.
35. So the run is just four 10km laps plus a bit more. Easy.
36. If I have to cycle 150km then that’s just three lots of 50, or one big 100 and one 50km or two lots of 75km, or ….
37. I want to go home
38. Ice cream. It’s mostly protein right?
    

    43. Holy smokes my arms are huge!

39. Weeee! This feels so good. I want to do this all the time!
40. It’s not a hickey, it’s chaffing from my wetsuit, honest
41. Kona, eh?
42. Has my Torpedo 7 package arrived yet?
43. Holy smokes my arms are huge!
44. What do you mean you ‘go’ on the bike? … ohhh …. Ewww
45. [someone asks what the weather’s doing this weekend] “slight northerly winds in the morning, picking up to about 34km/hr by 1pm, about a 50% chance of rain, Sunday’s better …”
46. Have you read Iron Wars?
47. Please don’t let that be a puncture
48. Coffee-coffee-coffee-coffee
49. Wow, I cycled and ran so far today. [does the maths and realises that was a small portion of the race, cries, laughs, bends over to throw up]
50. [Nods eagerly throughout the ‘I’m Training for an IronMan’ YouTube clip] See? Those Iron people aren’t so nuts after all.